Is it always gonna be like this?
10 months into this journey of motherhood and life is still complicated and constantly changing. One thing is I’ve learned to love myself all over again. I still have so much to learn but I’m at a place I can relax and feel relief.
Unfortunately, I always have the feeling that I’m being attacked. I cant help but feeling defensive a majority of the time and I have no answer as to why. I also am very paranoid nowadays and don’t trust a lot of people. I’ve withdrawn from a lot of people and have even changed my number and withdrawn off my personal social media, not for any particular reason but I just feel anti social at the moment. I feel like I’m searching for my next big move although I’m juggling a few big projects for 2018. I’m just in an unsettled place and right now and I feel like many are threatening my space. I’ve never been one to be worried about peoples opinions but recently I find myself on eggshells living my life. So many have so much to say and I feel like I’m being judged from every corner of my life. If I go out a full weekend I’m out too much or if I wear a lace outfit, I’m dressing ‘skatty’ or if I’m dating multiple people (and I mean going on dates and enjoying each others company) I’m creating a murderous body count. All these sly comments are really irking my soul.
I am a mother first and my son is my heart and my priority. However, being a mum is NOT my full identity. I am 24, physically healthy and trying to live my best life. I am currently in maternity leave so I am spending my time on trying to arrange my own business. People think if you’re not posting my every move I must sit around watching my 4 walls. Just being a full time mum is tiring but the smile and giggles my son gives me, makes it an easy job to get up to do EVERY DAY. I wish some people understood how manic it can get, dealing with an active baby, keeping your house in order and dealing with emails/phone calls aswell as your social life. Being social with friends/family gives your mind a rest and a chance to be ‘normal’ for a while. With me living 60+ miles from family and friends it can get hard mentally and some days you just want a hot chocolate, bake a cake and have a catch up with your bestie but a 15 minute phonecall/facetime will have to suffice before lil man reminds you of your duties lol.
I love being a mum and I wouldn’t trade it for the world but I wish people stopped putting so much pressure on what we as mother SHOULD Be or SHOULD BE DOING! We are doing our best, and doing great jobs, give us a break.
I’ve recently met with an old school friend who’s mummy to a pretty princess a month older than my son and we’ve decided to start a monthly vlog for mums, mums to be or anyone curious about our journey. A lot question (mostly men) why I blog ect, well its a way for me to stay creative, be able to reach other mums like myself. It’s sometimes nice to know some relate to what you’re going through and that you are not the only one. There’s nothing wrong with offering support to each other as women and some people find it easier to follow a stranger’s story they relate to more than talking to those they know. Its a non judgemental escape and no onw can write my life story and my experiences except me. I’d like to know someone is reading my story and it helps them to deal with life or their own journey abit better. We as mums go through soooooo much physically, mentally and emotionally on the journey from pregnancy to life after birth and were so busy playing mummy we forget about ourselves.
Just to remind you, you’re doing amazing sweetie.
-A more reserved Muva Nae 🌸