Yes, I’m still here…🌸

Is it always gonna be like this?

10 months into this journey of motherhood and life is still complicated and constantly changing. One thing is I’ve learned to love myself all over again. I still have so much to learn but I’m at a place I can relax and feel relief.

Unfortunately, I always have the feeling that I’m being attacked. I cant help but feeling defensive a majority of the time and I have no answer as to why. I also am very paranoid nowadays and don’t trust a lot of people. I’ve withdrawn from a lot of people and have even changed my number and withdrawn off my personal social media, not for any particular reason but I just feel anti social at the moment. I feel like I’m searching for my next big move although I’m juggling a few big projects for 2018. I’m just in an unsettled place and right now and I feel like many are threatening my space. I’ve never been one to be worried about peoples opinions but recently I find myself  on eggshells living my life. So many have so much to say and I feel like I’m being judged from every corner of my life. If I go out a full weekend I’m out too much or if I wear a lace outfit, I’m dressing ‘skatty’ or if I’m dating multiple people (and I mean going on dates and enjoying each others company) I’m creating a murderous body count. All these sly  comments are really irking my soul.

I am a mother first and my son is my heart and my priority. However, being a mum is NOT my full identity. I am 24, physically healthy and trying to live my best life. I am currently in maternity leave so I am spending my time on trying to arrange my own business. People think if you’re not posting my every move I must sit around watching my 4 walls. Just being a full time mum is tiring but the smile and giggles my son gives me, makes it an easy job to get up to do EVERY DAY. I wish some people understood how manic it can get, dealing with an active baby, keeping your house in order and dealing with emails/phone calls aswell as your social life. Being social with friends/family gives your mind a rest and a chance to be ‘normal’ for a while. With me living 60+ miles from family and friends it can get hard mentally and some days you just want a hot chocolate, bake a cake and have a catch up with your bestie but a 15 minute phonecall/facetime will have to suffice before lil man reminds you of your duties lol.

I love being a mum and I wouldn’t trade it for the world but I wish people stopped putting so much pressure on what we as mother SHOULD Be or SHOULD BE DOING! We are doing our best, and doing great jobs, give us a break.

I’ve recently met with an old school friend who’s mummy to a pretty princess a month older than my son and we’ve decided to start a monthly vlog for mums, mums to be or anyone curious about our journey. A lot question (mostly men) why I blog ect, well its a way for me to stay creative, be able to reach other mums like myself. It’s sometimes nice to know some relate to what you’re going through and that you are not the only one. There’s nothing wrong with offering support to each other as women and some people find it easier to follow a stranger’s story they relate to more than talking to those they know. Its a non judgemental escape  and no onw can write my life story and my experiences except me. I’d like to know someone is reading my story and it helps them to deal with life or their own journey abit better. We as mums go through soooooo much physically, mentally and emotionally on the journey from pregnancy to life after  birth and were so busy playing mummy we forget about ourselves.

Just to remind you, you’re doing amazing sweetie.

-A more reserved Muva Nae 🌸

Advertisements

Changes…🌸

             
 8 Months in & I still can’t believe how blessed I am. My son is literally my heart and honestly I couldn’t imagine the future without him. He is not the same Premature 5 pounder I once carried in one hand but now a thriving, mobile lil man. 

So my little man is eating solids and normally has a bottle in the morning,  porridge or purée fruit snacks, A solid lunch, water, a small snack & dinner. Makhairo loves his food And he has no problem trying anything new. At the moment his favourites or sweet potato carrots and pumpkin he seems to like the orange coloured foods. His least favourite is broccoli however he will eat it if it is mashed with something else for example potato or cauliflower. Makhairo is also teething and he now has two little front teeth on the bottom row. He is constantly dribbling and putting things in his mouth but all in all he still happy content little man. He’s had a bit of a sore bum due to the fact he’s had a bit of a runny belly but he hasn’t been too unwell or unsettled. He now knows how to crawl backwards, sit up without help & is trying to crawl forwards. He holds unto things to stand & he’s always shuffling or rocking to get somewhere 😂🤦🏾‍♀️

 


Makhairo’s dad became vegan when I was pregnant and made a lot of Lifestyle changes as a result. We discussed some of the product used commonly for example cowsmilk & cheese in the kids meals. Doing my pregnancy I became more health conscious and decided I was going to make some changes after I had my son as well. So I’m not going for vegan however I will be cutting out all meet and becoming a pescatarian and I’d like my son to follow in my footsteps. I feel that the meat nowadays has a lot of chemicals and added extras that are simply not good for our bodies. So I will be only eating fish going forward & changing my milk to coconut or almond milk to try and reduce my dairy and lactose intake and I think this is a good influence for my son.




2018, I’m coming for you!! My goal is to get my 2011 body back! Hopefully these diet changes & New exercise routine will   have me glowing up! I’m happy at the moment, but still have a few things I need to achieve. I’m feeling much better on the inside, so now it’s time to work on the outside! Definitely put on weight in the recent years due to lifestyle and contraception however I’m on a journey to get my body back. I’m very determined to live a healthy lifestyle as I am the biggest role model for my son and he needs to see that I’m making the effort. I feel like this is The right time as I am currently on the low stress levels enjoying life for the first time in awhile. My sons dad and relationship is so much better and I’m glad I’ve got my best friend in my life again. Sometimes all the pain her and anger can cause such distance but it’s always necessary in order for us to grow. Now where out of that dark space we look forward to a positive and healthy relationship that will reflect on our son. He needs positive energy and I’m glad we are finally able to display that. All relationships have their ups and downs and no relationship is perfect however the Good must outweigh the bad. I thought that the posture had sat such a negative and horrible toll on me and my mental however I’m in a place where I am appreciative of the journey that I’ve taken. The past had such a negative and horrible toll on me and my mental however I’m in a place where I’m appreciative of the journey that I’ve taken. Although I wouldn’t want to do the past year over I realise that we both have Achieved a lot in regards to coming together to raise our amazing  son. I have spoken to a few other mothers who unfortunately after years are still unable to have a civil conversation with their childrens dad. So for us to have gone through hell and back and being in such a great place in a year, I really am thankful.

 Life is good! I have a boyfriend who treats me like a queen, my son is a happy cheeky monkey & I’m decorating our new home. I’m looking forward to the exciting things ahead! 

-A very self centred Muva Nae 🌸

CHANGES…🌸

Well, it’s been a while! I’ve been sooooo busy it’s unreal !! I also took some time out to focus and recalibrate myself & feeling very refreshed. I went through an anti social period & deactivated my social media but now I’m feeling good.



My young king is now 7 months old ! Can you believe it! I felt like I just had him yesterday! He is such a cheeky boy and makes me smile at least 10 times a day! A few months ago I was complaining all he does sleep poo and eat. Now he’s trying to crawl, chitter chattering being very very mischievous ! It’s amazing as the more he grows the more & more I see the similarities in his personality to his dad 😂 He’s finally starting to resemble me (only a lil) but he’s still daddy’s twin 🙄😂 He’s currently got very white gums and his teething has been horrible to watch. He’s had mild diarrhoea, high temperate, loss of appetite, lack of sleep & a red bottom. Through it all, our boy has been laughing & smiling & still making my days! I just make sure he has his calpol & nurofen & keep him hydrated. His favourite time of the day is bath time & he cries when the water is drained out 😂😂 all in all, he’s still such an easy baby to care for! 💙



One thing I just say I’m thankful for, is, my support system. It’s easy to be in mum mode 24/7 that you start to forget yourself & your own needs. I’ve always been a social person & find it easy to get on with people. I’m currently trying to go back into finishing my degree (I was a student nurse) & I’m launching a new business in a couple months! All in all, I’ve been a busy girl 🤦🏾‍♀️ I’ve also been dating & let me tell you, I feel like a 75 year old divorcee or widower 😩😂 it’s changed so much ! (I’ve been with my sons dad since I was 16 in 2010) we literally lived with each other from day 1 so all of this dating, late night FaceTime & phone calls, texting ect is all funny to me. It’s especially funny when family/friends are constantly asking when me & my sons dad are getting back together? Or when will I forgive him? Or, ‘They can’t wait for us to have another one” 😂 Especially at our sons baby blessing, all we got is, “it’s nice you’ve worked it out”, “yasssss goals” or “I’m glad you’ve kissed & made up & you’ve forgiven him” 😂😂 but the reality is, we’re not in that space, we’re just trying to have a healthy co parenting relationship. I will always love him & my feelings were never an issue but there’s too much water under the bridge. He was my best friend & I hope one day we can rekindle our friendship to the point of us talking to each other about ANYTHING but at the moment we’re respecting each other’s space. I can’t tell the future but what I can say is I’m happy with just being his son’s mum. 2015 was a rough year & a year a lot of poison was spilled into our relationship but looking at how much has changed has given me hope, and the new journey is exciting & I’m excited about my new freedom (I said that like I was imprisoned, he wasn’t that bad 😂) but it’s nice to know that after having my son, I still have it! 

I have eaten a lot healthier than before my pregnancy & I’m currently on a mission to get my 2011/12 body back! Home workouts can feel like such a task but I just imagine my goal & the motivation is back. I’ve always been curvy & been blessed with assests 😉 but it’s slimming down a lol& toning to maintain them! I’ve also been busy moving home & I’m currently decorating & cant wait till it’s all finished to have my house warming! Whenever I go to London (which is regular, come like I never left lol), I take time to catch up with loved ones & take advantage of them as I can have a night out here & there! I realised being so far from friends & family can drive me mad & the distance can be depressing but in the long run I think I’m making the right choice. I want my son in a calmer environment & London just isn’t the pace I want to raise him. Anyway, I’ll soon be driving again & London will feel a lil distance away. 



I have some great energy around me & I know longer feed into the bs. Not everyone will like you in this life & sometimes the reasons why aren’t logical or rational. However, I give 0 fucks & I’ve always been confident in my skin. All in all, life is feeling balanced & I am beyond blessed! 


– A positive, happier Muva Nae 🌸

Priorities…🌸

Being a mother means your priorities change & your thought process is different. There are things I don’t want my son to ever experience. Some things can’t be helped in life & I can’t bubble wrap my son but there’s things I should be on top of.

1- Home🏡

My son should understand that he has a home & it is my duty to ensure he always has one. I’ve gone through my fair share of houses but now, as a mum, I don’t think I could put my son through regular & avoidable moves. I think kids should be settled & taught to respect their home. It should be a place of peace & serenity & full of memories & lessons. It’s my job to make my house a home that offers security & a place my son doesn’t feel he needs to ‘get away from’. I really don’t understand how girls allow their messy relationships (anti social behaviour) or debt (rent arrears) run then out of home. My parents moved into my home when I was 14 days old & my mother still lives in & owns it. It’s nice to go ‘home’ to a house full of memories & good laughs & know I grew up there. 

2. Relationships💑

There’s nothing wrong with having relationships but I am my sons protector & he is my NUMBER 1 priority. Anyone I bring around my son has to be someone who shows they have our best interests at heart & I can trust. Some females don’t want to be alone & unfortunately will put up with unsavoury traits to ‘keep their man’. No man is worth keeping that puts mine & more importantly my sons health or freedom at risk. Mothers, please, please, please DO NOT ACCEPT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! If you experience it, please don’t allow it to continue & do whatever you can to keep you & your kids safe.

3. Progress 💡

Whether it is work, studying or starting a business, utilise your time & develop your skills/talents. You’ll be amazed how much you can inspire & set an example for your kids. Do what you can and push yourself to shine, don’t doubt yourself, you’ve got this mama. 

We all have different priorities & goals & aspirations but we should fight to achieve them all. Don’t doubt yourself, you’re stronger than you think! All in all, put your kids first & you can’t lose! 


– Quick thought from Muva 🌸

Time flies…🌸

My baby boy is 5 & a half months old 😭😩

Can you imainge? A whole 5 months?!?!

I literally felt like he was born last week. I miss him being so slow & so little. Now he’s shuffling across my bed, rolling & is sooooooo close to sitting up by himself. Hes also mastering the art of sitting up so I’m hoping he’ll be crawling soon! He’s also very chatty and not a day goes by I don’t hear his giggle and laugh! I never believed it was possible to love another human being soooooooo hard! He literally makes my heart melt. I look at him and my heart beats faster just out of the pride I carry from seeing him! This lil person who was once a tiny dark spec on a ultrasound is now a living, breathing person who likes a cuddle & tickle!


I have been soooooooooooo blessed with a baby who sleeps & eats well! At the moment he loveeessssssss sweet potatoe & carrots, isn’t so keen on brocolli but will eat it anyway lol. He loves baby rusk (reduced sugar) & banana porridge! He loves his pineapple but has a mixed reaction to mangos (none of the British shit, great grandma sent him mango from back home! 🇯🇲) All in all he’s not a fussy eater & will try anything but loves his food hot! Once any of his main meals lose heat he loses interest. I guess it’s a Reid trait (my dads side of family). My chubby man also sleeps a good 10/11 hours a night & isn’t up till around 9am. It’s amazing that he sleeps so well and I suffer from insomnia. I literally can’t complain about bedtime, he will chitter chatter until he’s really tired, put his head down & he’s out like a light! He breaths heavy & sleeps quite heavy, both traits are from daddy 😂 he’s just genuinely a well behaved & happy baby boy. Always laughing, chattering or smiling.

We celebrated our son being blessed & I couldn’t ask for a more beautiful day! His dad & I were joined by family & friends to  see our beautiful young king be blessed. I find it ironic as he’s the one that has actually blessed us! He laughed & chattered to the pastor before being blessed & was so behaved. Soooooo many people came to me to comment on how well behaved he was & just how much of a happy baby he is. It was so nice to know we have such a great support network. His dad was absolutely amazing & it was great to have him every step of the way on Sunday. The pictures looked great & I couldn’t have asked for a better day! Our lil man slept through the after party 😂 but it was full of great energy & great food.


Choosing godparents wasn’t difficult, I selected people who had always shown they had mine & Makhs best interest at heart. People who have known me for years & had watched me grow & develop. I chose people who have shown me their positive heart & have stood by myself & Makhs dad over the years.


Even though our relationship as partners had finished last year, this year our relationship started as parents. Being consistently together since 2010, there were a lot of feelings & history which made that co parenting relationship complicated but once we both got into the same page it was great. To see someone I love & my best friend, put love we have, back into my biggest blessing is amazing and I appreciate his efforts. It’s been a long time coming but I’m really happy with where we are. The baby blessing was the first time since we broke up that we stood pubically ‘together’ as parents & the positive feedback & support was beautiful. I know my son will be able to look back on the photos and see his parents are & always will be united when it comes to him.


The reality is there will always be somebody who wants to see the worst or the negative and some people who even stoop as low as to lie to manipulate others into damaging your character. As long as you are doing what’s best for your children and looking after yourself don’t worry about them. Love always wins and self-love is the most important love of all without it you can’t love others. Some people will never move forward but I choose to move on. I have always been confident in my own skin and I intend to keep it that way and pass it on to my son. I  want my son to understand how important family is, family is everything. No matter what happens between me and his dad I want him to have a great relationship with his grandparents, aunt, uncles and cousins.

I’m so close into moving into my permanent home and currently looking at going back into studying and finishing my degree. Whatever I choose to do I now have the biggest motivation I will ever have, my beautiful young king. And he will be the reason for my success. I will also be taking on holiday soon so I am looking forward to time in the Sun and a well-deserved break. All in all so far in this nearly 6 months of his life I have learnt to love me and the life I live and that’s all I can do and guarantee hopefully my son will benefit from this.
– A more than happy Muva Nae 🌸

The battle of positivity…🌸

You blink, life changes. *sighs*

I’m literally at a point where I’m wondering if I’m coming or going. The only thing that makes me happy, is my beautiful boy. His smile literally lights up the room & he makes my heart so warm. I could never give up or stop pushing because he motivates me, effortlessly.

One day, I feel like I have everything together & I’m on my way to great things and other days I wake up & have to force myself to get out of the house. Mental battles are harder than physical ones & the reality is, it’s just part of life. At some point you’ll wonder where you took a wrong turn but it’s about how you get back on track. A lot of people take for granted that as I am quite strong minded with a sharp tongue that I don’t hurt. WRONG. People need to remember, I am human. I am a woman. I have feelings.

First things first, remove “them”. And when I say them, I’m referring to those who offer nothing but negativity or darkness. I’ll be honest, I can be real petty & my savage side be on fleek but nowadays if I can’t laugh at it, I don’t take it in. There’s people who have tried to trash my character & attack my womanhood and the reality, because I’m strong enough, I haven’t allowed their toxic thoughts to affect me. But I think it’s important to understand how our words can damage another person and their mental health. I can hold my hands up and say my mouth is wreckless at times (to say the least), but during my pregnancy & since having my young king, I realised just how much my words can hurt others. We never know how much of it they take in, how strong they are or aren’t, where they are in life ect. So sometimes I try to think twice about what I say. Honestly, the things I’ve heard people who don’t even know me on a personal level say has been harsh but those who know me I don’t need to explain! 


Another thing I started doing was explaining myself less & less. I explain to who & when is necessary. It’s made me a lot happier & allowed myself to live in peace without anyones judgement or opinion overshadowing me. I also learnt to stop explaining things that were unimportant to irrelevant people. For example, some people want to know who I’m seeing 😂 these times its non of their business 🌚 We’re in a world where people are happy on instagram but battling depression in real life. Don’t buy into the hype. Don’t try to create the “perfect” image. Some pretend they have a perfect partner, or perfect job, or perfect life & when the smallest thing happens it pushes them over the edge. 


I’ve had to appreciate myself when no one else did. It’s ok to look at your own progress & pat yourself on your back. Last year I was wasting my energy on a relationship that had ran its course. Last year I wanted to fight nonstop. Last year I thought I had so much to prove. Last year has gone. This year, I am calm, laughing, smiling & enjoying. As a result, I am glowing! 


You don’t simply forget about everything you’ve been through, you just learn how to cope with it. Whatever it is, you can get through it! I promise you. Different scenarios will have different routes to happiness but you’ll get there. Don’t be afraid to ask for help/support. 


Don’t stress! Youre where you need to be. You will become who you’re meant to be! You’ll meet who you need to meet! You’ll go where you need to go! Just keep being you! 


So recently I started a whatsapp group chat with some other mothers from my insta page. Although we have diffferent views & don’t agree on everything, it’s nice to connect with other people who can relate to each other & not tear each other down. 


Keep trying to be a better version of yourself, the answers will come with time. 


– A growing Nae 🌸

My body & I…🌸

Over the last few weeks I’ve written about the changes with my young king & his routine but I thought it was time to be selfish & talk about me 😊



So my body has obviously gone through changes during my pregnancy & after but tbh I love myself more than pre pregnancy. As a result of being physically sick during my pregnancy I lost a lot of weight ! Honestly though I’m proud & glad I haven’t put it back on…..yet🙊 Breastfeeding definitely helped to snap my uterus down & loving it! 

Since having my beautiful boy I’ve had so much more energy & have been more motivated to get back in shape. I don’t eat regularly but I do eat a lot more healthy 💪🏾

I had a 2 degree tear following my labour which honestly wasn’t that bad. I didn’t feel the stitches & once I was home 3 days later I nearly forgot I had them. Within 10 days a majority of the stitches had dissolved & I was feeling great! 

The first 2 weeks I complained about a shooting pain in the sole & outside of my feet & my midwife explained the nervous system was connected to the uterus & as I shrunk the pressure was causing the pain. My stomach went back to its previous state within 9 days. 

At 4 weeks I went to my GP for my check up & they said I had healed up & could resume normal activity !! I was so happy & started my home workout routines. I did 10 min abdominal excersies when I got up & before bed. I also put lil man in his car seat & uses it as reps for my arms. I also started a 30 say squat challenge & do at least 1 hour walks everyday! I am soon to start the #100daysoffitness before I go on holiday! I wish I could go to the gym but I live far from any friends/family & there’s no one close to have my lil man regularly. I am currently waiting for a personally designed plan from @theketobelle to eat & train well from home.

I’ve realised that since giving birth, my bum has lifted my waist is smaller. My legs are extremely toned & my boobs haven’t changed much! I’ve gone down a back size & up a cup size 💃🏾I stopped breastfeeding at 12 weeks & have put my nipple piercings back in. 

Having sex after birth seemed mentally impossible but thankfully it was a great experience. As stupid as it sounds, sex after giving birth is like being a virgin again. I remember nearly sweating, being nervous & shy and acting like a lil school girl again😂  but honestly, sex wasn’t painful to start again & I can honestly say I missed it 😂 i look forward to sex more than my boyfriend does 😂😂

My hair has grown beautifully during pregnancy & some warned it may break after birth but it’s still healthy & keeps getting better ! 

I’ve always had good skin but since giving birth, I’ve had to take care of it better as it is extremely sensitive right now & reacts to everything 🙄 daily cleansing & toning are key for my new glow 💫

I’ve realised I can’t hold my wee as long as before but as I am still doing my pelvic floor exercises it seems to be getting better. 

I also think my mental & emotional changes help with my healthier life. Being stress & drama free is key to my new positive life & my son &  boyfriend add to it. They both motivate me to be a better version of myself & that’s what intent to do 💪🏾💪🏾 

With my lil mans christening coming up & then our holiday, my motivation is 💯 

Bring on the glow up !!💫


– Confident Muva 🌸